*****Note to reader*****
I know you are used to me writing notes about worthless information, opinions, dating, theories, musical taste... etc, but--- I have grown weary of such. So, I figured why not treat you all to a story.... and yes, I really am both arrogant and weird enough to do this with a 'blog'... take it for what it is if you do read along, hope you find everything as humorous as I
*****end note to reader*****
It isn't widely known, and probably even lesser believed, but it is as true as any fact the world has ever known. Its as much a sure thing as the Tooth Fairy's exchange rate on your teeth is somehow related to your families yearly income, or as certain that Santa really is sleeping with your mother, this thing... oh but silly Eye. I open here and speak(type really) such ridiculous banter, and not even hint at what the topic that I speak of is.
You see, each time a person in this world dies, a new one is born exactly 37 minutes after said death to replace him or her. Don't try and combat this factual fact with your silly old wives tales or news reports of population inflation or mass murdering-holocaustal acts! Just know that for you to even attempt to follow the following, you may have suspend your disbelief of this reality, and put on the shelf all of the grounding weight of the world you know so well (or so you think). In doing these listed requests, and understanding what I tell you, will you only then know what is going on here.
So like I said before, each time a person in this world dies, a new person in born exactly 37 minutes later.
There are a few more basic guidelines to reality... these are covered in many different historical texts. Scientists and scholars alike have devoted their entire careers to finding out why these things do indeed tend to happen, but we don't have the kind of time that they do. So, I ask once again that you just listen (or read as the case may be) and understand them. Don't get caught up in the 5 "W's" (who, what, when, where, why, [and of course] wazzzzup)... just go with them.
They are a little shocking... you may not know this... but
A) People are sometimes born with extraordinary gifts. It doesn't happen often, only when things in the universe get turned 'upside down' so to speak.
B) Death is not what you think it is. Some people die and ascend or descend to another plane, others stay here in a less... um, well....... corporeal form. It doesn't really mean they are a 'ghost'... well, its just something else entirely.
So, "C)" is much more elementary. Its something that you know, without really knowing. There is always an opposite. For everything. For every black, there is a white. For every deity as gracious as Jehova, there is someone equally as evil like the fallen angel Michael. So, there is always an 'antagonist' and a 'protagonist'...
Follow me so far? I thought so.
Lastly, Time is the 4th dimension. Anyone who has read Vonnegut or been a Michael J Fox fan is somewhat familiar with this concept sure... but I want to express it in a way that would lend its hand to deciphering what is to come. People get so caught up in time "passing" or "what is coming". This is because you are not seeing time, just going along with what you have always been told. Its a dimension. It is possible to see it.
The first dimension is a straight line, the second a figure depicted on a flat plane (ala TV, photograph) and the third is something that has the property or appearance of having bulk, volume, mass (like us, a tree, or an ant bed)... so, you can see all of these. Well, time is no different. If you can get past what you know, and actually see time for what it is... it is a line that has no beginning or end and an infinite amount of spots that mark each fragment of time. If you could just see the line, perhaps (and this is a bit of leap for you I am sure, but remember about the suspending reality thing) you could visit any point in time you wanted, whenever you wanted....
Ok, for those who i didn't lose right then, its finally time to begin this tale--- no more theories or rules (for now) I promise.
St Louis, Missouri
December 12, 1984
Work for Paul Noise had never been something he actually liked. To say he took the ancient Italian mantra of "worked to live" to heart would be moderately accurate, but he didn't really like to live either. Each and every day of the week consisted of the same things as the one previous. He woke at 8, got to work around 9, had lunch at noon, got home from work around 5. (this is still a few decades away from when 9-5 became 9-630) On the way home from work every day, he would stop by the local liquor store, and pick up a bottle of black label whiskey to drink himself to sleep with.
He lived with his current girlfriend (formerly his ex-girlfriend) in a small, 1 bedroom apartment on the wrong side of the tracks. She had broken up with him at one juncture, but through a strange twist of events ended back up with him.
The first two months of their rekindling was the last time Paul had felt any joy whatsoever. Now, he was miserable. She never wanted to go out and try or do fun and new things, but instead lead a life in front of the television. A life devoted to the goings on of Sgt Bosco Baracus or Captain Merrill Stubing, to accompany the same dishes made from the same worn out recipes her own mother had weened her on.
Paul went home that evening to find a new and exciting episode of M*A*S*H* on, and a tray in front of his chair with cooling salmon patties and straight-from-the-can green beans waiting on him. Paul sat down and opened his bottle of black label whiskey, and began to chug away.
He came to in a dark room, only the light of the static filled television in front of him was to be seen. His left hand still held onto the nearly empty bottle of liquor, so he promptly raised it to his lips and took another swig. He stumbled as he rose from his chair, knocking over the tv tray in the process. He reached to the ground, and picked up his not so full pack of Camel no filtered cigarettes and headed towards their patio to have a cigarette. The clock on the wall read 3:13 am.
Paul opened the door, and lit his square promptly. As he inhaled, he heard a rustling in the bushes below (2cnd floor apt, I forgot to mention--- sorry to get all Michael Crichton on you). He looked down and saw a man dressed in all black. The man looked up to him and said
"no more time to waste Paul"
before Paul could even ask how the hell this fellow knew his name, a shot rang out and Paul was struck directly between his eyes with a .45 caliber bullet. His body went lifeless, and his still lit cigarette fell to the ground.
3:40 am
December 12, 1984
Austin, Tx
"I'm sorry sir, but there has been a few complications" the Doctor told the man expecting to be a father in the waiting room.
"Was it a boy or a girl?" the man said, trying his best to hold back all of his tears...
"You are the father of a baby boy sir, and he is perfectly healthy; its your wife who didn't make it"
(to be continued)
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A Halloween Tale
It was a dark and stormy night,
on that black and rainy eve.
A night unlike any other,
its true so try and believe.
There was a house in the middle of town,
In a small place by the name Flowermound.
That was had in it two ladies,
-named Porche and Mercedes,
-and 2 other matey's,
-a priest and free saftey
and they all sat around a freshly lit fire worried about the weather outside.
They heard sounds all around the house,
mostly from a room upstairs.
The ladies began to freak out!
their fear was under prepared
For up in the room, behind the closed door
was an old lady, who once was a whore.
She was infected and nasty,
a scarleted lassie,
made heads spin like Jazzy,
did not practice faire-laissez
and the people in the room below her, would all soon know this all to well.
They heard a lock slip and a creak!
They all turned their heads to the door
from inside the dark and cold room,
came out a shout from the whore.
She called the free saftey,
beckoned "come rape me"
he looked at Mercedes
then left the room hasty
and made his way up the stairs to the room, and closed the behind him.
They heard screams and moans and noises.
Then a gigantic loud "thud"!
The door then opened once again
Whore called for other stud.
The defensive back, was not good enough
I need the priest to come and show me rough
He rose for his meeting
that would turn to a beating
even though his faith he was cheating
he could no longer stay seating
for the power of suggestion from the voice of this hussy was too strong to turn down.
Porshe looked at her friend Mercedes,
she took a deep breath and said
"Why in the world do they go there,
upstairs to that ladies bed?"
Mercedes leaned in, touched her friend on the arm
Her voice was soothing and oozing with charm.
"This is my life girl,
welcome to my world.
whenever men who are fertile,
come over they hurdle,
up the stairs to fuck her. This is what happens when your mom is a whore.
on that black and rainy eve.
A night unlike any other,
its true so try and believe.
There was a house in the middle of town,
In a small place by the name Flowermound.
That was had in it two ladies,
-named Porche and Mercedes,
-and 2 other matey's,
-a priest and free saftey
and they all sat around a freshly lit fire worried about the weather outside.
They heard sounds all around the house,
mostly from a room upstairs.
The ladies began to freak out!
their fear was under prepared
For up in the room, behind the closed door
was an old lady, who once was a whore.
She was infected and nasty,
a scarleted lassie,
made heads spin like Jazzy,
did not practice faire-laissez
and the people in the room below her, would all soon know this all to well.
They heard a lock slip and a creak!
They all turned their heads to the door
from inside the dark and cold room,
came out a shout from the whore.
She called the free saftey,
beckoned "come rape me"
he looked at Mercedes
then left the room hasty
and made his way up the stairs to the room, and closed the behind him.
They heard screams and moans and noises.
Then a gigantic loud "thud"!
The door then opened once again
Whore called for other stud.
The defensive back, was not good enough
I need the priest to come and show me rough
He rose for his meeting
that would turn to a beating
even though his faith he was cheating
he could no longer stay seating
for the power of suggestion from the voice of this hussy was too strong to turn down.
Porshe looked at her friend Mercedes,
she took a deep breath and said
"Why in the world do they go there,
upstairs to that ladies bed?"
Mercedes leaned in, touched her friend on the arm
Her voice was soothing and oozing with charm.
"This is my life girl,
welcome to my world.
whenever men who are fertile,
come over they hurdle,
up the stairs to fuck her. This is what happens when your mom is a whore.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Top 7 Horror Movies
Tis the season mothafuckas!
I love love love, this time of year. You see, I am a fan of scary movies as it is... yet, a lot of people aren't... most of those people= girls I am trying to do my thang with. For some reason, females feel like they need a holiday to celebrate with being scared, and a week from today is that very one.
But, our good friends at Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, and Hollywood Video all ensure that this whole month be the month of screams, especially the last week of it! So, if you cruise into any of the previously mentioned establishments right now, you would see a special on all things horror--including dvds.
Think about this for a second...
call some boo, buy some booze, watch a movie that jumps out and go's "Boo!", and maybe just maybe, you will get a boo in the lap or boo in the bed... Scuurrrryyyy sheets son!
We will call this, my Boo's, Booze's and Boos! philosophy
but, we need some solid film, to help deliver the first part of that trilogy to ya... so here goes my top 7 movies in the horror genre... enjoy!
1) Scream (1996) Wes Craven (4 stars out of 4)
Egad!!!! How could this be on the top of any list, and you listen to me and consider my views valid? Its simple really. This movie, before Scary Movie took it a step further, was meant to be a complete farse or sendup of the horror genre. It not only tells you whats going to happen in the movie as it goes (clever jargon), it also manages to deliver several solid jumps and a great whodunit mystery, that no one in the world got the first time they saw it.
The movie is shot well. ( It looks fantastic actually) and is severely entertaining. You are captivated from start to finish... and leave it with a smile on your face. this movie single handedly rejuvenated a very tired genre, and in doing so did it better than anyone had done before or after.
2) High Tension (2003) Alexandre Aja (3.0 stars out of 4)
If you have not seen this movie, and you like to be scared... good god. Rent it tonight. Its a french film, so you will have to spend some time with the subtitles on, but even with that... it doesn't really get scarier than this movie. The entire scene where the pro and antagonists are in the house, is about as tense as you can get. I would consider this as part of the whole "shock" horror genre. Its gross and painful to watch at times, but not nearly as much as one of the endless "Saw" sequels or "Hostel"
3) Alien (1979) Ridley Scott (3.5 stars out of 4)
Scott delivers a creepy, slow, masterpiece with his attempt in the genre. This movie is very slow, and I wouldn't even suggest it to you if you were adhd or with people that talk a lot. Its best served up when you are with someone else who can chill and you can as well. If that is possible, this movie will slowly suck you in to where the last part of the movie keeps you riveted. If you think that the chest-burster is the scariest part of this film, I would suggest actually watching it and not just what you remember about your parents not wanting you to see as a child. The special effects are weak now.. no doubt on that... but, this movie is still top drawer.
4) Event Horizon (1997) Paul W.S. Anderson (2.5 stars out of 4)
I think this may be freaky to me, because I remember seeing it when I was 15 or 16. It may actually be that good though. We will find out more this week, when I go back and rewatch this one. This film deals with another dimension, and people hallucinating their worst fears as well as other terrifying images. The best part about this movie, is that its fear is delivered from pacing and atmosphere. Its not the gore, or the jumps or loud elevations in music. this is a definite must if you enjoyed "Alien", and I suggest it to all horror fans who have not seen it.
5) A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) Wes Craven (2.5 stars out of 4)
This is the best idea, ever, for a horror movie. The premises of this film, is nothing short of pure brilliance. You can't hide from sleep, you can't run from your dreams. This is where the killer in this film hides and hunts you down. As with most horror movies, a soon to be famous actor gets introduced in this (Johnny Depp); and if it wasn't for New Line stripping creative control and licensing away from Craven, this series might actually have been entertaining. Instead, you have 2 great movies, and average one, and 4 hours of shit spanning 7 films. When you watch this, don't expect the wise-cracking mtv freddy krueger donning a pair of way-fares. Its scary, pretty gory, and just over all very impressive, especially for the budget it was filmed on. This film saved new line cinema.
6) Halloween (1978) John Carpenter (3 stars out of 4)
I think this may actually be one of the scariest movies ever made. I don't put it up higher in my list, probably just because I have seen it so many times. Tension is thick throughout most of this movie once it gets rolling, but for being a slasher it starts out really slow. The music is nothing short of cheese dick through most of it; and the acting is awful. It is the epitome of a slasher movie. I remember seeing this for the first time, on Halloween actually. It was a monday night, and my parents were watching MNF in the living room. In the back bedroom though, there was a petrified 9 year old, developing his love for shock-cinema. this movie isn't as bloody as people remember, it just takes a while to get going.
7) Scream 2 (1997) Wes Craven (3 stars out of 4)
Don't shoot me. this makes the list because of it having two of the most tense scenes in horror movie history in it. Actually, Scream 2 is just as good and clever as the first one, until its ending. The scenes to watch though--
a) when Gale Weathers and Dewey are being chased through the school. When Gale finds her way into the production room , just narrowly missing the Ghost Faced Killa again and again... all the way up to the sound proof booth... BRILLIANCE
b) favorite moment in scary movie history actually, is this next one.... when the Ghost Faced killa crashes the police car that Syd and her roomie are in... and they have to crawl over him... wow... even though I know what is going to happen, that scene still creates great tension for me. 2 thumbs up craven..
Alright, pick which one of those sounds the best and get to watching wit some shorty worth hollerin at. Ill be back soon folks... happy frights
I love love love, this time of year. You see, I am a fan of scary movies as it is... yet, a lot of people aren't... most of those people= girls I am trying to do my thang with. For some reason, females feel like they need a holiday to celebrate with being scared, and a week from today is that very one.
But, our good friends at Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, and Hollywood Video all ensure that this whole month be the month of screams, especially the last week of it! So, if you cruise into any of the previously mentioned establishments right now, you would see a special on all things horror--including dvds.
Think about this for a second...
call some boo, buy some booze, watch a movie that jumps out and go's "Boo!", and maybe just maybe, you will get a boo in the lap or boo in the bed... Scuurrrryyyy sheets son!
We will call this, my Boo's, Booze's and Boos! philosophy
but, we need some solid film, to help deliver the first part of that trilogy to ya... so here goes my top 7 movies in the horror genre... enjoy!
1) Scream (1996) Wes Craven (4 stars out of 4)
Egad!!!! How could this be on the top of any list, and you listen to me and consider my views valid? Its simple really. This movie, before Scary Movie took it a step further, was meant to be a complete farse or sendup of the horror genre. It not only tells you whats going to happen in the movie as it goes (clever jargon), it also manages to deliver several solid jumps and a great whodunit mystery, that no one in the world got the first time they saw it.
The movie is shot well. ( It looks fantastic actually) and is severely entertaining. You are captivated from start to finish... and leave it with a smile on your face. this movie single handedly rejuvenated a very tired genre, and in doing so did it better than anyone had done before or after.
2) High Tension (2003) Alexandre Aja (3.0 stars out of 4)
If you have not seen this movie, and you like to be scared... good god. Rent it tonight. Its a french film, so you will have to spend some time with the subtitles on, but even with that... it doesn't really get scarier than this movie. The entire scene where the pro and antagonists are in the house, is about as tense as you can get. I would consider this as part of the whole "shock" horror genre. Its gross and painful to watch at times, but not nearly as much as one of the endless "Saw" sequels or "Hostel"
3) Alien (1979) Ridley Scott (3.5 stars out of 4)
Scott delivers a creepy, slow, masterpiece with his attempt in the genre. This movie is very slow, and I wouldn't even suggest it to you if you were adhd or with people that talk a lot. Its best served up when you are with someone else who can chill and you can as well. If that is possible, this movie will slowly suck you in to where the last part of the movie keeps you riveted. If you think that the chest-burster is the scariest part of this film, I would suggest actually watching it and not just what you remember about your parents not wanting you to see as a child. The special effects are weak now.. no doubt on that... but, this movie is still top drawer.
4) Event Horizon (1997) Paul W.S. Anderson (2.5 stars out of 4)
I think this may be freaky to me, because I remember seeing it when I was 15 or 16. It may actually be that good though. We will find out more this week, when I go back and rewatch this one. This film deals with another dimension, and people hallucinating their worst fears as well as other terrifying images. The best part about this movie, is that its fear is delivered from pacing and atmosphere. Its not the gore, or the jumps or loud elevations in music. this is a definite must if you enjoyed "Alien", and I suggest it to all horror fans who have not seen it.
5) A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) Wes Craven (2.5 stars out of 4)
This is the best idea, ever, for a horror movie. The premises of this film, is nothing short of pure brilliance. You can't hide from sleep, you can't run from your dreams. This is where the killer in this film hides and hunts you down. As with most horror movies, a soon to be famous actor gets introduced in this (Johnny Depp); and if it wasn't for New Line stripping creative control and licensing away from Craven, this series might actually have been entertaining. Instead, you have 2 great movies, and average one, and 4 hours of shit spanning 7 films. When you watch this, don't expect the wise-cracking mtv freddy krueger donning a pair of way-fares. Its scary, pretty gory, and just over all very impressive, especially for the budget it was filmed on. This film saved new line cinema.
6) Halloween (1978) John Carpenter (3 stars out of 4)
I think this may actually be one of the scariest movies ever made. I don't put it up higher in my list, probably just because I have seen it so many times. Tension is thick throughout most of this movie once it gets rolling, but for being a slasher it starts out really slow. The music is nothing short of cheese dick through most of it; and the acting is awful. It is the epitome of a slasher movie. I remember seeing this for the first time, on Halloween actually. It was a monday night, and my parents were watching MNF in the living room. In the back bedroom though, there was a petrified 9 year old, developing his love for shock-cinema. this movie isn't as bloody as people remember, it just takes a while to get going.
7) Scream 2 (1997) Wes Craven (3 stars out of 4)
Don't shoot me. this makes the list because of it having two of the most tense scenes in horror movie history in it. Actually, Scream 2 is just as good and clever as the first one, until its ending. The scenes to watch though--
a) when Gale Weathers and Dewey are being chased through the school. When Gale finds her way into the production room , just narrowly missing the Ghost Faced Killa again and again... all the way up to the sound proof booth... BRILLIANCE
b) favorite moment in scary movie history actually, is this next one.... when the Ghost Faced killa crashes the police car that Syd and her roomie are in... and they have to crawl over him... wow... even though I know what is going to happen, that scene still creates great tension for me. 2 thumbs up craven..
Alright, pick which one of those sounds the best and get to watching wit some shorty worth hollerin at. Ill be back soon folks... happy frights
Monday, October 20, 2008
Late Night Bar Hookup
When you wake up in the morning, after a long night out pounding Jagerbombs and Diet & Vodka (everyone is being health conscious let us not forget), and you start to feel the effects of your sat & sun morning hangover kick in... where would you rather be
a) home. alone. the sheets your forgot to wash, again, all swaddled around you and a stack of bills sitting on your desk. your fridge is likely very empty, which means that you will have to put on some kind of old rags (i.e. basketball shorts, crush shirt from 4 years ago) to go out and hit up some terrible fast food place so you can come home and watch some football.
b) a random girls house. with her. the sheets she forgot to wash, again, all swaddled around both of you and a stack of empty condom wrappers sitting on her desk across the room. Your sweet threads from last night are kinda all over the place...
shirt-balled up on floor
pants-balled up on floor
boxers- somehow lost in her top sheet
and you have to put these on; even in their once worn, now wrinkled condition which will obviously tip its hand to you, taking the 'walk of shame'... and since she lives in a place far from you, you will pass by a lot of different terrible fast food on the way home that you can make your choice from, so you can then go home and watch some football.
Ok, lets be real.
You picked "b" didn't you?
Its fine, we all know you did. Most everyone would, for that matter. Its not really that it is depressing to be smashed out of your mind, and alone; because honestly, once you try to pass out, success is a sure thing. The problem is though, once your mind gets that buzz, and you get that first smell of the pheromones, it tends to become as important to you as that Ninja Turtle for Christmas when you were 8. Its all you want... so much to the point where you will text every person in your phone with a female name (sorry for all the late night texts Ashley-my guy friend) just so you can have someone, nay ANYONE to make out with.
The question I am sure that everyone wants to know the answer to though is, "how do I get to 'b' and away from 'a'?
Well, a lot of that has to deal with how you look that night, and how well you know or don't know the object of your pursuit...
but
most of it comes from the things you say. Some ways to not go home with her, would come from saying things like these greatest hits...
"Have you tried 'lite' beer before?"
"I would love to put my face in the middle of those"
"My dick is like a slim jim, it can get into anything"
"Do you spit, or swallow?"
"What did you say your name was?"
"You want to get a taquito and watch 'The Crying Game'?"
"...and for some reason it burns when i pee.....(trails off)....so do you wanna go back to my place or yours?"
"My face is leaving in 10 minutes, be on it"
Now, unfortunately, we all have a humorous hook up story or 5... but today, i will close with sharing one of mine.
We had been at a bar, i didn't say any of the above statements, and we went back to her place. We made out for a while, on the couch, then went outside for a quick cig. She asked if i wanted another beer, so you know i was like 'hell yeah'... I was suffering through her conversation, about who knows what, when she got a text message on her phone. She looked at me and goes
"my ex boyfriend just texted... that means he will prolly be here in like an hour or so... you wanna go ahead fuck so you can get outta here before he gets here?"
Oh snap! What did I do? Well, thats a choose your own adventure scenario if I have ever heard it, so I am gonna leave it there, just like that.
a) home. alone. the sheets your forgot to wash, again, all swaddled around you and a stack of bills sitting on your desk. your fridge is likely very empty, which means that you will have to put on some kind of old rags (i.e. basketball shorts, crush shirt from 4 years ago) to go out and hit up some terrible fast food place so you can come home and watch some football.
b) a random girls house. with her. the sheets she forgot to wash, again, all swaddled around both of you and a stack of empty condom wrappers sitting on her desk across the room. Your sweet threads from last night are kinda all over the place...
shirt-balled up on floor
pants-balled up on floor
boxers- somehow lost in her top sheet
and you have to put these on; even in their once worn, now wrinkled condition which will obviously tip its hand to you, taking the 'walk of shame'... and since she lives in a place far from you, you will pass by a lot of different terrible fast food on the way home that you can make your choice from, so you can then go home and watch some football.
Ok, lets be real.
You picked "b" didn't you?
Its fine, we all know you did. Most everyone would, for that matter. Its not really that it is depressing to be smashed out of your mind, and alone; because honestly, once you try to pass out, success is a sure thing. The problem is though, once your mind gets that buzz, and you get that first smell of the pheromones, it tends to become as important to you as that Ninja Turtle for Christmas when you were 8. Its all you want... so much to the point where you will text every person in your phone with a female name (sorry for all the late night texts Ashley-my guy friend) just so you can have someone, nay ANYONE to make out with.
The question I am sure that everyone wants to know the answer to though is, "how do I get to 'b' and away from 'a'?
Well, a lot of that has to deal with how you look that night, and how well you know or don't know the object of your pursuit...
but
most of it comes from the things you say. Some ways to not go home with her, would come from saying things like these greatest hits...
"Have you tried 'lite' beer before?"
"I would love to put my face in the middle of those"
"My dick is like a slim jim, it can get into anything"
"Do you spit, or swallow?"
"What did you say your name was?"
"You want to get a taquito and watch 'The Crying Game'?"
"...and for some reason it burns when i pee.....(trails off)....so do you wanna go back to my place or yours?"
"My face is leaving in 10 minutes, be on it"
Now, unfortunately, we all have a humorous hook up story or 5... but today, i will close with sharing one of mine.
We had been at a bar, i didn't say any of the above statements, and we went back to her place. We made out for a while, on the couch, then went outside for a quick cig. She asked if i wanted another beer, so you know i was like 'hell yeah'... I was suffering through her conversation, about who knows what, when she got a text message on her phone. She looked at me and goes
"my ex boyfriend just texted... that means he will prolly be here in like an hour or so... you wanna go ahead fuck so you can get outta here before he gets here?"
Oh snap! What did I do? Well, thats a choose your own adventure scenario if I have ever heard it, so I am gonna leave it there, just like that.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Updated?!??!
Eh, why not. I am having an enormous amount of trouble falling asleep this evening, and this is the third time I have seen these olympic events-- so I mean, what else am I gonna do, other than write?
Breakups are really strange things. I had pretty much had set in my mind that I would not have to ever see "Ex Girlfriend" again (save Baylor Homecomings). She moved to Dallas and such, so I mean... I thought I was safe. I have developed a great distaste for her in the past couple of months, and this is mainly due to the fact of me actually realizing what I was like when I was in that relationship.
Anyway, I am at the tavern that I work at on tuesdays and frequent on top of that, and lo and behold who would be there.... I was standing inches from her without even realizing it was her, and looked down and felt grime get all over me. My stomach went into about a half a dozen knots, and my desire to remain sober that evening left me behind like a gold medal and Shawn Johnson.
I, for some reason, thought she would roll out of their quickly, so I just went and hung out at various places with the people that I know that kick it there. Yet, every so often, I would be strolling and see her. For the first time since I have lived in Austin, being at Shakespeares sounded like the worst idea I had ever heard.
This evening I went scrolling through my old gchats and 'wall to walls' on my facebook account. Of course, this does require me stumbling across more x banter. I bypassed everything that "ex girlfriend" and I exchanged, because there is not a part of me at this time that would find any of the sentiments that would bring out, anything less than wretched.
I did find quite interesting my chats with "Boo". It was almost comical to be able to "see" by reading said conversations the complete dismantling of my personality. In analyzing, the biggest problem I had in that relationship, was that it, by nature and circumstance, was always teetering on chaos-- so I became less and less confident in the only thing I really had ever had confidence in, myself.
We started dating, both knowing that she would be moving to Costa Rica for a year. She came back in 6 weeks. We started right back up, planning on moving to Mexico together. Less than a week later, we ended it. Within a week, we had hung out again and slept together and such... started kind of talking again, then went on a little short communication blackout. When those few days ended, she had signed a contract to move to Mexico alone. We had another week, then ended it again. The day she left, we had lunch then she came to see me... we kinda had that moment...
See... she came back. Right then. Looking back on it, she was probably just scared. I thought at that time it was God speaking to me... telling me not to give up. So guess what, I didn't.
I moved to Austin within like two weeks of that. I started a crazy job, didn't try to make new friends, and didn't really try to meet new people, because my mind was in another country. It stayed that way too. She was set to come back that Christmas... I had until then... right?
Check that... somewhere in the middle of October, she decides she wants to come back. Then, she decides to take a job elsewhere in Mexico. Then, she decides that she wants to go back to her old job, and in a little under a month, she is back in the states.
We see each other, and it sucks. Its over... its obvious. Or is it?
We talk periodically from then until January, while she starts dating the boy she was dating before me.. then one day like a flash, she ends it with him. About two weeks later, we hang out, make out, hook up, and are back on.
I go to Dallas, She comes to Austin... I am terrified this time though. I just have zero faith in her or this. I spend the next month dating her and walking on broken glass. Its going to end at any moment, being my internal mantra.
It ends, again, quickly. She is dating a new boy before the sheets have even been washed. Ain't that a bitch.
So, finally back to the point... reading that progression was absolutely fascinating. I am apathetic enough towards her now, that it really kinda makes me upset that I wasted such an amount of time waiting to start my life here. Once I finally decided to do that in mid spring, its like things have really taken off and gotten fun. I kinda look at the passing of this 26th year though, and think "damn. I wasted so much of this on something that ended up not mattering at all"
So, breakups are funny things. Its insane to think about the ones I have been though---especially when I can't even fathom being in a relationship at this point in my life.
When I was runnin through my wall-to-wall conversations, I found something I had written on my friend Stampers wall, back on July 9, 2005. (this would have been during my full-tilt single mode in undergrad) I wrote
"Never commit to or break up with anyone...this way it can never end badly because really it never began or ended"
Funny how cyclical life is.
Breakups are really strange things. I had pretty much had set in my mind that I would not have to ever see "Ex Girlfriend" again (save Baylor Homecomings). She moved to Dallas and such, so I mean... I thought I was safe. I have developed a great distaste for her in the past couple of months, and this is mainly due to the fact of me actually realizing what I was like when I was in that relationship.
Anyway, I am at the tavern that I work at on tuesdays and frequent on top of that, and lo and behold who would be there.... I was standing inches from her without even realizing it was her, and looked down and felt grime get all over me. My stomach went into about a half a dozen knots, and my desire to remain sober that evening left me behind like a gold medal and Shawn Johnson.
I, for some reason, thought she would roll out of their quickly, so I just went and hung out at various places with the people that I know that kick it there. Yet, every so often, I would be strolling and see her. For the first time since I have lived in Austin, being at Shakespeares sounded like the worst idea I had ever heard.
This evening I went scrolling through my old gchats and 'wall to walls' on my facebook account. Of course, this does require me stumbling across more x banter. I bypassed everything that "ex girlfriend" and I exchanged, because there is not a part of me at this time that would find any of the sentiments that would bring out, anything less than wretched.
I did find quite interesting my chats with "Boo". It was almost comical to be able to "see" by reading said conversations the complete dismantling of my personality. In analyzing, the biggest problem I had in that relationship, was that it, by nature and circumstance, was always teetering on chaos-- so I became less and less confident in the only thing I really had ever had confidence in, myself.
We started dating, both knowing that she would be moving to Costa Rica for a year. She came back in 6 weeks. We started right back up, planning on moving to Mexico together. Less than a week later, we ended it. Within a week, we had hung out again and slept together and such... started kind of talking again, then went on a little short communication blackout. When those few days ended, she had signed a contract to move to Mexico alone. We had another week, then ended it again. The day she left, we had lunch then she came to see me... we kinda had that moment...
See... she came back. Right then. Looking back on it, she was probably just scared. I thought at that time it was God speaking to me... telling me not to give up. So guess what, I didn't.
I moved to Austin within like two weeks of that. I started a crazy job, didn't try to make new friends, and didn't really try to meet new people, because my mind was in another country. It stayed that way too. She was set to come back that Christmas... I had until then... right?
Check that... somewhere in the middle of October, she decides she wants to come back. Then, she decides to take a job elsewhere in Mexico. Then, she decides that she wants to go back to her old job, and in a little under a month, she is back in the states.
We see each other, and it sucks. Its over... its obvious. Or is it?
We talk periodically from then until January, while she starts dating the boy she was dating before me.. then one day like a flash, she ends it with him. About two weeks later, we hang out, make out, hook up, and are back on.
I go to Dallas, She comes to Austin... I am terrified this time though. I just have zero faith in her or this. I spend the next month dating her and walking on broken glass. Its going to end at any moment, being my internal mantra.
It ends, again, quickly. She is dating a new boy before the sheets have even been washed. Ain't that a bitch.
So, finally back to the point... reading that progression was absolutely fascinating. I am apathetic enough towards her now, that it really kinda makes me upset that I wasted such an amount of time waiting to start my life here. Once I finally decided to do that in mid spring, its like things have really taken off and gotten fun. I kinda look at the passing of this 26th year though, and think "damn. I wasted so much of this on something that ended up not mattering at all"
So, breakups are funny things. Its insane to think about the ones I have been though---especially when I can't even fathom being in a relationship at this point in my life.
When I was runnin through my wall-to-wall conversations, I found something I had written on my friend Stampers wall, back on July 9, 2005. (this would have been during my full-tilt single mode in undergrad) I wrote
"Never commit to or break up with anyone...this way it can never end badly because really it never began or ended"
Funny how cyclical life is.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
List of Recent Thoughts
~ I went to Skinny's last night. I was really craving a fountain soda, so I ran in the store real quick when I discovered something I had yet to see. I know this has probably been around for a while, but I had yet to see it (been a while since a fountain drink I guess)... but they have these flavor blasters now. These------buttons you push to amp whatever drink you are getting with vanilla, cherry, or other stuff. I am in love man. The cherry coke I had was out of this world. Well done sir.
~ So, you all remember the hooters girl who beat me so badly during the playoffs right? Well, we are now facebook friends. I think that is a solid step somewhere. She is cute guys, I am not lying. I think I am going to have to approach this like you would a stray cat though... really patient, really slow, really---this will be the topic of more things to come. I guess I should hide my blog link from her on my profile, just in case she gets snoop-stalk one day
~ I saw one of my ex girlfriends dad at a gas station the other day. This is the second time this has happened since I have lived in Austin. I didn't run and hide from him, but I don't think he saw me either. thats a really strange feeling. I guess it always will be when you get all close to a family, then break it off-- then its like they never existed or you never existed for them. Maybe I am done meeting parents. Yeah, I think I am.
~ I want to punch myself in the face everytime I find myself singing this Jesse McCartney song.. but I can't help myself.
~ I saw 2 more of my friends get married the other day. 2 friends from college, who met in college. I always thought that was the 'right' path to take, because its what my parents did, and my grandparents did (all at Baylor I should point out). Oh wellz, I guess post college is the new college and 26 is the new 18.
~ The rabbit hooked up with the cougar. Lots of carrot juice had been consumed though and the rabbit doesn't remember much.
~ I do think this new Batman movie is going to be amazing, but I worry that it will be over-hyped to the point of Mandy Moore's singing career because of Ledger dying. I don't doubt for a second that he isn't just incredible in it, but I promise you this will be heralded as 'the greatest performance blah blah blah' and I don't care how good it or he is- its still a comic book movie. A SEQUEL at that. That doesn't deserve oscars, but you can put his name down for it now.
~Quitting smoking sucks, but my breath feels like its fresher.
~ I'll deliver you bitches some cohesion soon
~ So, you all remember the hooters girl who beat me so badly during the playoffs right? Well, we are now facebook friends. I think that is a solid step somewhere. She is cute guys, I am not lying. I think I am going to have to approach this like you would a stray cat though... really patient, really slow, really---this will be the topic of more things to come. I guess I should hide my blog link from her on my profile, just in case she gets snoop-stalk one day
~ I saw one of my ex girlfriends dad at a gas station the other day. This is the second time this has happened since I have lived in Austin. I didn't run and hide from him, but I don't think he saw me either. thats a really strange feeling. I guess it always will be when you get all close to a family, then break it off-- then its like they never existed or you never existed for them. Maybe I am done meeting parents. Yeah, I think I am.
~ I want to punch myself in the face everytime I find myself singing this Jesse McCartney song.. but I can't help myself.
~ I saw 2 more of my friends get married the other day. 2 friends from college, who met in college. I always thought that was the 'right' path to take, because its what my parents did, and my grandparents did (all at Baylor I should point out). Oh wellz, I guess post college is the new college and 26 is the new 18.
~ The rabbit hooked up with the cougar. Lots of carrot juice had been consumed though and the rabbit doesn't remember much.
~ I do think this new Batman movie is going to be amazing, but I worry that it will be over-hyped to the point of Mandy Moore's singing career because of Ledger dying. I don't doubt for a second that he isn't just incredible in it, but I promise you this will be heralded as 'the greatest performance blah blah blah' and I don't care how good it or he is- its still a comic book movie. A SEQUEL at that. That doesn't deserve oscars, but you can put his name down for it now.
~Quitting smoking sucks, but my breath feels like its fresher.
~ I'll deliver you bitches some cohesion soon
Monday, July 7, 2008
Apologies
Its been a while since I have written, and for this my deepest apologies- I know that your life probably hinges on what I am venting about; and lately there just hasn't been a lot to say...
It seems that I write better when things are going terrible in my heart, and it just hasn't been going like that a lot lately. I think this may because of this incredible sense of apathy that has begun to take me over. When Kali was initially breaking up with me, she told me (one of those things you will never forget) "It sucks huh? Maybe you will quit putting your heart into things so it doesn't"
Hmmmmm.... true-che bitch. I like your style. I will try and force this out though, try and make something out of words that will be of some sort of entertainment value to someone, promises.
I am tired of homeless people asking me for money. "Got any change" they say to me-- just like the person before me and the person after me. You can't even hear sincerity in their voice anymore. They might as well be Ashlee Simpson singing 'Pieces of Me'. I do have an idea though-- I am gonna start handing out generic deodorant to these people. I mean Christ. I just saw you make 10 dollars in the last 5 minutes. You are obviously not putting down payments on a mortgage or rent, walk over to the Scruffys gift shop and buy some FUCKIN ANTIPERS!
There is this one homeless guy who haunts the Trinity block of 6th nightly. He is white with these crazy dreads, and he really kinda resembles Josh Blue from 'Last Comic Standing'. Well, whenever he asks me for scrill, I tell him no, then he stalks me.
Seriously.
He follows me around looking at me like I just told him the secret to his favorite magic trick, and he is in shock. I almost fought him the other night. I was so pissed that he would not just LEAVE or leave me alone... I yelled at him to no avail... no change of facial expression, nothing. He just kept staring at me. STARING. "I'm sorry bitch! There are two people in the box! No one gets cut in half!!! Shit! Go to 4th! I would obviously be over there if I had more money! See where it says 'dolllllllar drinks>?!??!?!' I'm not here for the view!"
K---
Ill be back tomorrow, maybe today if some real shit happens
C
It seems that I write better when things are going terrible in my heart, and it just hasn't been going like that a lot lately. I think this may because of this incredible sense of apathy that has begun to take me over. When Kali was initially breaking up with me, she told me (one of those things you will never forget) "It sucks huh? Maybe you will quit putting your heart into things so it doesn't"
Hmmmmm.... true-che bitch. I like your style. I will try and force this out though, try and make something out of words that will be of some sort of entertainment value to someone, promises.
I am tired of homeless people asking me for money. "Got any change" they say to me-- just like the person before me and the person after me. You can't even hear sincerity in their voice anymore. They might as well be Ashlee Simpson singing 'Pieces of Me'. I do have an idea though-- I am gonna start handing out generic deodorant to these people. I mean Christ. I just saw you make 10 dollars in the last 5 minutes. You are obviously not putting down payments on a mortgage or rent, walk over to the Scruffys gift shop and buy some FUCKIN ANTIPERS!
There is this one homeless guy who haunts the Trinity block of 6th nightly. He is white with these crazy dreads, and he really kinda resembles Josh Blue from 'Last Comic Standing'. Well, whenever he asks me for scrill, I tell him no, then he stalks me.
Seriously.
He follows me around looking at me like I just told him the secret to his favorite magic trick, and he is in shock. I almost fought him the other night. I was so pissed that he would not just LEAVE or leave me alone... I yelled at him to no avail... no change of facial expression, nothing. He just kept staring at me. STARING. "I'm sorry bitch! There are two people in the box! No one gets cut in half!!! Shit! Go to 4th! I would obviously be over there if I had more money! See where it says 'dolllllllar drinks>?!??!?!' I'm not here for the view!"
K---
Ill be back tomorrow, maybe today if some real shit happens
C
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