Suh-suh-softly as if i play piano in tha dark...

Um, I still love ATLiens... hence my blog title. Every American should own that album. I also can absolutely not get enough of Pharrell... everything he touches is sick-mad-hot-phat-(insert other ghetto adj for great) good.

So I danced on a shark tank last night. I can not express to you just how good of a dancer i believe myself to be about 7 drinks in to an evening. I am convinced that I could out moonwalk MJ, out tootsie the 69 boys, obviously out-do stupid shit with my hands and such with the Los Del Rio, and maybe even that cat hitting on the hottest girl in the bar. Yeah... he has got sick moves. He should probably be on "So You Think You Can Dance"... but i still crip walk to him and bend down and dust his shoes off...

yep.

I am that guy.

So, I wiped the LACK of errant latent particles off of this guys 200 dollar limited edition Puma's and proceeded to cut in with the girl he was hollerin at. I should point out that I have like three moves (that i picked up off of the 'yeah' video) and since I was a little bit tipsy (and by a "little" i mean like as teency as the ocean--------word) I rushed through those moves quickly. I mean, I felt I pulled them off pretty well (like a 6.23423984729384 on my 1-10 scale) but after those were exhausted, I had to resort to the only other thing I knew...

thats right...

the moves from the chorus of "You've got it (the right stuff)" by NKOTB. I mean, it helped that I had seen their performance on the Today Show via youtube the preceding afternoon- and tha shit was fresh in my brain... but, let's be real honest... that was not cool then, much less 17 years later (please, do take note Jordan, Donny, Jonathan, Danny, and Joey)

But, I did them. The look on the girls face was quite similar to the look that most people have the first time they see child birth on video. A moment of sobriety hit me, and I realized that I had lost my opportunity as an option and bowed out like Tracy McGrady in the first round. Thank god the people I was with had skys-the-limit bottle service, because you know that goose and juice makes that shame go away quicker than a Jessica Simpson movie on the big screen.

I was soon knee deep in conversations that I couldn't even begin to recall or care about, and found myself miserable at work some 6 hours later....